In Love With a Madman
by Wrongful Vanity
Summary: Slade's thoughts on losing Terra because we all know he's still alive. this is a partner fic to Terra, Apprentice. read that first if you want.


I know that the Terra thread has long since died... but I'm stuck! anyway, this takes place the day after Terra's death. someone wanted to know what was going on in Slade's head,so here it is.

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I remember the way she looked with tears in her eyes. Those tears were because of me, and seeing them I felt for the first time in my life, a painful guilt. I didn't like the feeling. Her eyes were still beautiful, though filled with shattered pride and hatred and… love. It was that last emotion that I could not allow. Love was something I could not afford to harbor. So I did the only thing I could do; I went away, and left her to die, for when the Titans arrived they would most certainly kill her. Better to allow her to die than allow her to live in love with a madman. That was my thinking. 

My way of life would never suit her, I told myself, she is too delicate a flower, she would be cruelly ripped apart by the hurricane of a life she would lead with me. Her personality was too strong, her powers, too volatile, I told myself, and most importantly, her rampant emotions would constantly be in the way. It made perfect sense, but soon I began to wonder, would her emotions be in the way, or would mine? I knew very well that I had never seen her as a mere child; she had a strange dignified maturity that I had never seen in one so young before, and it was painfully obvious that I felt for her far more than I ought any apprentice. In spite of myself, I found myself drawn to her, and to my alarm, she was drawn to me as well. When I first discovered this, I knew I could not let it develop, it could mean nothing good for either of us, so I sent her away, as a spy back into the very heart of the enemy.

I should have been glad when her attentions were turned away from me. I should have been glad, but I do not hesitate to confess that I was not. It was that boy. How could she love that boy? How could he hope to give her what she truly needed? How could he possibly understand her? How dare he assume that he did?

Worse yet, how could some one as powerful as me, Slade the Deathstroke Wilson, ruthless killer, brilliant criminal... how could I feel an emotion as elementary as jealousy towards a boy but half my age? And feel it I did, I was even blinded enough by this unreasonable emotion that I endangered the plan that I had so carefully mapped out; I attacked an entire day before I was supposed to personally step in.

The two little _lovebirds_ certainly were surprised. She pleaded with him, but I was far more experienced with the art of mind play than she was. I spoke to the boy while I fought him. I spoke to him twisted words of the truth, "she never even liked you," I said, "you could never give her what she needed," he fought well, better than I had come to expect of this particular Titan. I didn't have to turn him against her; in fact in the long run it would harm the effectiveness of the plan rather than help it; if he still thought she was still his friend, he would be reluctant to hurt her later on, giving us the upper hand. I didn't need to say those words, but seeing theheartbreak on the boy's face, was most certainly satisfying.

But in spite of everything I did, he betrayed her in a way I could never have predicted.

"He's right, Terra, you have no friends!" the passion with which he spoke the words surprised everyone. Even him. It was beyond perfect. The surprise on her face, the sudden hatred in her eyes, her dejected return to me, like a wounded puppy back to its master. I put my hand on her shoulder, glad to have her back with me, glad that she was mine and mine alone, but also hating myself for wanting her there.

We went back home and she appeared unchanged. Maybe she just didn't want me to see her cry. Not like yesterday, yesterday all the self restraints were broken when I was the one to betray her in the end, for I remember the way she looked with tears in her eyes. Hating herself for crying in front of me, hating me for making her. I had to make her hate me. if she thought that I no longer needed her, then it would be easierfor meto let her die

I know that I was rightin leaving her there to die, with nothing but one of my expertly crafted automatons of myself to keep her company. It was connected to her brain, so it would do exactly what she thought I would do. I heard just now that she killed it. She must have really hated me; those things aren't easy to kill. I also heard that there is a chance she is still alive, encased in stone they say. Why did they tell me this? Probably just trying to do the job that I pay them so much for. I still wish that they hadn't told me. I'm better without her, and even if there is a possibility that I could save her… I don't need her, and I can't waste my time… I don't need her. Better to allow her to die than to allow her to live in love with a madman.

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woot. there's the end. please don't expect more. because I'm not writing anymore from Slade's pov. Writing this was wierd enough, I don't think we were meant to see what goes on in his head... even though he is a cartoon character. 


End file.
